Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
