Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
