Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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