You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
