from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
