Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
