Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We were destined to go to rehab together
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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