I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think I sprained my soul last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
