Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
