I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
