How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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