Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is it because I queefed?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
