I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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