The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i've created a new STD.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
