I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
