just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
