i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
