You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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