I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
