how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
