My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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