So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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