did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
