I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
