I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just threw up on my dentist
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
