Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
