***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
