I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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