You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
