i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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