I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
