Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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