if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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