Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
