"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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