Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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