once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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