They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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