We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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