Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
