And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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