Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
