Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
