On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
