a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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