After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
