So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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