You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
