Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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