You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
